Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Randomize
