Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize