Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I got inside last night via doggy door
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
