I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
