Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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