Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
