I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize