I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Randomize
