Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
