they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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