If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
This is classic penis vs brain.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
