TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
