I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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