with your own penis?
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
