Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize