You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
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