Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
MIDGETS
????
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
