A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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