we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
