it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
