you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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