Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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