I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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