I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
