did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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