Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
