I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize