how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
