the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I'm just crazy horny about you
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Randomize
