I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
All I want is dick and wine.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
