my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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