i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
