suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
