somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
