I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
