so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
The Olympian is in my bed
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
