What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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