Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
