I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
it's like iHOP with fire
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
