bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
