did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Randomize
