sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
