One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
