I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
