He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
