If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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