In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
