Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
