Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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