final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
