I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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