Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
These tits shall not be calmed
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
