making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
