The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
