I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
