We won't sleep together?
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
