Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
