oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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