Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
