dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
