her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
