Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
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