my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Randomize
