Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
