when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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