there was a trapeze. enough said
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
