Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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