alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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