to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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