if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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