My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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