I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
