I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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