i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
