Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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