hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
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