Small penises have feelings too.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
