just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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