My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize