what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
