Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
